30-day writing challenge: Day 5

30-day writing challenge: Day 5

Day 5 – Your parents

I’m finding this challenge more difficult as it proceeds.  I nearly decided to give up this morning.

So, my parents. They aren’t alive anymore — mum died in 2013 and dad died in 2017.  There will always be a yawning hole in my heart and I miss them every day. Maybe that’s why I didn’t want to write this, because it still hurts. I think added to the pain of them not being here anymore is the fact I know dad was hurting so badly after mum died, in addition to dealing with bad health. I feel guilty sometimes that I didn’t do more for him at that time. I miss my weekly trips down to dad’s when I would stay overnight to keep him company. I was just reminiscing with Jenna about this the other day, actually. In the early days, we only had one dog (Yogi) and Yogi hated me leaving him alone on that one night each week, and he would try and get in the car when I was about to depart. In the end, I felt so guilty about leaving him that I took him with me and would sneak him into dad’s courtyard.

I was clearing out a section of the shed on the weekend and came across some old documents  — my report cards from school and also a letter dad wrote to mum when he was overseas, back when we were little kids. He loved mum very much.

Even though those weekly stays at dad’s were difficult on many levels, I would give anything to have them back again. Would give anything except the lives of my children to have my parents back again.

Not going to write anymore or I will start to bawl.