I wrote in my earlier post that I was ‘rocked’ when a former colleague liked and followed my business Facebook page. It brought back many memories, most of them good. It also got me thinking about how people change over time in terms of how they react to certain situations.
Adam was and presumably still is a barrister and I worked as his clerk about ten years ago for a short period of time – my children were very young at the time, my marriage had ended and the ex was in another country, so I wasn’t able to work any longer than part time hours if I didn’t want to be a stranger to my children! Adam shared chambers with about ten other barristers.
Adam used to live in the very town in Canada where I used to live, before he immigrated to Australia some fifteen years before, so we had that connection straight away. Adam isn’t actually his first name, just the name he is known by, and I never learned what his first name was, just knew it started with “K”, and I assume his first name was a Japanese one, as he is of direct Japanese descent, although was born in Canada.
He had a fairly imposing presence. Not overly tall but had that impassive, stern expression and piercing eyes that I used to associate with Japanese in general, and as I said in the earlier post, a way of striding around the office as if he was annoyed at everyone and not in the best of moods. However, for some reason, aside from the fact that we had probably walked the same streets in Canada, he and I hit it off really well and he was always kind to me and a great mentor.
I was very naïve in those days insofar as sex and relationships was concerned. I had only ever had three long term relationships and had just come out of a long marriage. I didn’t understand men very well, and certainly had no significant grasp of what a sexually passionate relationship was. Let’s just say that I learned about both very quickly with Adam, and they were great lessons.
Adam treated me with utmost respect and consideration and was never anything but honest with me. He was recently separated, as I was, and that period of time for both of us was one of transition and instability in a personal sense. As a result, I was not equipped to deal with the impact and nuances of the relationship with Adam. I was constantly tired and distracted, and one day I was in a car accident because I was just not paying attention. No one was hurt but the car was a write-off; I still feel guilty about it because the kids were in the car at the time. The shock was sufficient for me to quit the job with Adam and disappear. I also feel guilty because I basically ghosted him although I didn’t know at the time that that behaviour had an actual name. Karma came visiting of course in my relationship with TFW where ghosting was concerned!
I guess Adam found out somehow about my current professional situation. It doesn’t take much skill to google- and internet-stalk someone after all. I’m just in a quandary now as to whether to send him a message or contact him, I’m not sure what the right thing to do is. I’m a different person from who I was ten years ago. I was going to say it’s because of circumstances shaping me but that denotes that I had no say in the change. I would say I changed as a conscious choice in response to the circumstances. There is a parable that when each of a carrot, and egg and coffee beans are subjected to the same adversity of boiling water, each reacts differently – the carrot becomes soft and mushy and loses its strength, the egg becomes hard at its heart, and the coffee beans become palatable with a rich fragrance and flavour.
Here’s to coffee beans! And because of that salute, I shall screw my courage to the sticking place as Shakespeare would put it, and will contact Adam…